My SHOWFLAT experience

Mario invited me to do an exhibition for SHOWFLAT for the month of January, which was a change of plans to keep the project rolling rather than close for a month.  So it was with relatively short notice that I embarked on my work (a couple of months?).  I approached the exhibition with the attitude that I would do what felt possible and appropriate for the timeframe, rather than be overwhelmed with the possibilities and perhaps tempted into being unrealistic.  I felt able to respond quickly with an idea of what I wanted to do because my current and ongoing work sits naturally within the SHOWFLAT scheme – working with domestic materials and issues that are rooted in our experience of the body, eating, the mass media and daily mental tropes. I decided to show an archive of Matchbox rizlas, and other drawings that explored issues around food.  However, with encouragement and support from Mario and Than I expanded my initial idea and began working on additional and larger scale pieces. I produced a series of new drawings, which were installed as two pieces, in the kitchen and bathroom; I framed a series of portraits; I produced a new series of miniature drawings and framed them; in addition to the initial idea of the archive, which I also expanded with new drawings.  I was assured from the outset that the SHOWFLAT team would take care of practical issues, such as installation, and also admin type stuff, and the organisation of the opening party – the point being to facilitate me in focussing on just making the work.  Obviously we worked together on these other aspects, but pretty much I spent two months feeling able to really get on with my work, supported in practical issues wherever I needed it.  This was fantastic, and I really feel that I was able to achieve a lot in a short space of time – despite the distraction of Xmas and New Year, and an accident to my knee meaning I could barely walk for most of the time! Mario said that the idea was for me to be able to just get on with making the work, and this was indeed what I was facilitated to do.

I felt that I was an artist in residence in my own home.  My work had previously been involved in issues that relate to experiences rooted in our home/domestic/personal lives - food, eating, the consumption of media information, as well as private and personal mental tropes; the scale and materials I work with are familiar in the home – napkins, matchboxes; cigarette papers.  I was initially concerned that the proximity of the work to the location might cancel out their potency.  On the contrary I feel that my work benefited from the context, in more than one way – I was able to set the work in relation to an environment which contributed to its meaning – and actually producing the work inextricably linked with the space made the two – work and place – combine meaningfully.  Practical issues were a big part of this – e.g. making drawings in the bath, dripping into it; the limitations and possibilities of space, and my practical needs in the flat – e.g. installing drawings in relation to the position of my bed, so they could be seen from the bed, or not damaged when I roll over in sleep; utilising existing fixtures and fittings – stringing a line of wool across the kitchen to hang drawings from, accommodating my use of the kitchen (this line strung on pre-existing screws revealed a ghost of a former resident – the two lines of wool revealed that a previous washing line must have been hung there).  My portraits of suffragettes, female suicide bombers, and balaclava’ed women benefited from the context of my flat, which helped to explicate issues that were woven between the different drawings/groups of drawings through their proximity/interrelation and the specific space occupied – an ‘ancestral hallway’, an ‘organically’ positioned accretion of drawings in the bedroom, much as I would ordinarily place pictures I’m contemplating or enjoying.

The invitation to work for SHOWFLAT gave validity to an impulse and actuality that had been happening in my practice for a couple of years.  Although I have a studio I had found it difficult to work there, - for practical, time and personal reasons - and had increasingly been working at home.  I had found my home environment a productive and ‘nourishing’ environment in which to work – being able to dip in and out of work/life, access to warmth, comfort, computer etc, less pressure somehow – despite the inconvenience of having all the art stuff in the way!  I was able to more fully explore this situation, and put on hold my anxiety about ‘why am I not at the studio?’ and see what opportunities it offered me.  The feeling of just being able to get up and get on with it was great, the fluidity with my life of working at home made total sense.  Although at times it was difficult to switch off, and hard to sleep!  I realise that much of the reason that I had been working at home was that it makes more sense in the context of the whole of my life, and that, rather than that being a compromise, it’s the fact of that ‘accommodation’ to myself that allows meaning to filter out from my life and into the work.  Whilst there’s something to be said for the distance and perspective that a studio can give, and also the physical space and expanded possibilities (for which reason I need it), I recognise a real and particular value in working at home.

In general I’m a very private person – I live alone, I like my space and privacy – I don’t invite many people round.  So the SHOWFLAT proposition was a complete contrast!  The preparatory stages were interesting on this front.  Mario and Than came round many times as the work was progressing and I showed them round the flat, they explored its corners and I got a sense of how it felt having people here, responding to the space.  Two extra people made me feel the flat was tiny and vulnerable…but somehow through the process of making the work and installing it – during that phase Mario and Than were here much more frequently – the flat felt bigger and more sturdy – even though the work I made was tiny and fragile.

SHOWFLAT team were a great facility in person, phone and email to talk through ideas and practical questions.  I found this aspect very helpful:  just being able to call someone up who was engaged with my work in an ongoing way, and to whom I could ask questions or just think things though aloud, helped me to evolve my work, and gain insights e.g. just seeing if something made sense, or hearing/seeing a response which then made me see my work in a new and helpful way, or ‘join the dots’ between things that I hadn’t seen – that this process was daily and intensive allowed me to maintain a flow and energy that benefited my productivity and the work’s coherency.

The prospect of the Flat party to open the exhibition was very different to a usual opening, and I was anticipating it more as something to look forward to, rather than just a usual part of the process of having an exhibition, which is at odds with my usual feeling of dread at the prospect of having lots of people in my flat and having to deal with the social situation.  But all along SHOWFLAT had been careful to plan the event in a way that suited my work, my flat and me. As it was made clear to me that Than would be the official host, and with Mario would organise the party in all its practical aspects so that I could just enjoy myself, I felt I could really look forward to it. (For the few days leading up I felt like it was Christmas coming, but with an excitement like I felt as a child!).  The fact that the opening was a house party was interesting, and I think crucial to the exhibition – it made me focussed on the eventuality that people would be coming into my home, and that I would be sharing my work with them - this forced me to confront how the work functioned within my home and how others could relate to it – which I think strengthened the work.

When the night came, I really held on to the idea that I could be free to enjoy myself and talk to people – I was able to do mini tours of the work, to respond to questions and comments, and generally to speak with the guests about my work.  This just wouldn’t have been possible if I had been dealing with the practical stuff of a house party, or if it had been a normal gallery opening.  Guests seemed much more relaxed and vocal about the work than in gallery openings.  They wanted to ask questions and make observations, and even compliments (which were totally overwhelming).  The party allowed a dialogue about my work which raised new questions for me, as well as helping me to see where my work had been understood or meaningful for others – all of this is incredibly helpful for my continuing practice, is encouraging, and also rare - a precious contrast to the virtual ‘vacuum’ that is often the norm into which much work goes. I felt the guests were generous and interested, and unlike many p.v.s really seemed to want to look at the work and to enjoy themselves. It was just so exciting having a party thrown for me – it felt like a real affirmation of my work. The party was beautifully and graciously hosted in all its details - it was fantastic - I’ve never experienced anything quite like it. It reconfigured my sense of my flat, my home, and its possibilities – of my possibilities.